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Life after cancer

I’m Here

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I’m Here

I’m writing this on my phone as I sit on a rock in the Rockefeller Preserves with the most beautiful view of the sunset.

I suppose it’s been a while since my last blog. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs and I can’t help but feel guilty every time I feel down. How is it that I’ve “beaten/survived/lived through” cancer twice already, I’ve been done with treatment for a little over exactly a year now, and yet I’ve cried how many times today? Over what? I don’t even know and I think that might be the worst part. Helllooooo I’m aliveeeee, so what’s the issue?

 

I’m pursuing my dreams

My mind: not fast enough


I’m alive

My mind: and not living enough


I create music from my heart

My mind: not good enough


I have this whole beautiful world in front of me

My mind: that you can’t afford to travel cuz of medical bills and student loans

 

I have a life full love

My mind: but what is love

 

And so I write. I write songs, I write journal entries, and a lot of them go unseen and unheard- that’s why there is a huge time gap since my last blog entry.

I have this voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not good enough and that nothing I do will ever be.

So I meditate. I exercise. I read. I try to detach myself from my mind. I try to be present.

I just finished reading The Alchemist and I’m currently reading The Power Of Now to try and shift my perspective and just the way I think in general.

I’m not sure what’s going on with me, but here I am being open like I promised I would be.

I’m here

🕊🥀

My View

My View

xox

~Bianca Muñiz

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