I am on a journey of cracking myself wide open.

I don’t even know where to begin my frustration.

I’m writing this on my phone as I sit on a rock in the Rockefeller Preserves with the most beautiful view of the sunset.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, and that’s a good thing! I’ve been out living life post-cancer!

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post.

I started writing multiple times, and I have so many pages of random notes and thoughts that I will probably make into a special piece at some point, but in the meantime I have some thoughts on my mind today.

I have three more treatments left and I feel like the closer I get to being done, the more anxious I feel like, oh my gosh what’s gonna happen now, what are the next steps, what will life be like without all of these drugs in my body that I’ve gotten so accustomed to living with. It’s exciting, and a little bit scary.

I had my 8th treatment of perjeta and herceptin about two weeks ago and it definitely took a toll on my body and mind. Since I had a couple of weeks off from treatment to recover from surgery, my body has been readjusting.

A lot has happened since my last blog post, and I just wasn’t ready to write about it yet. I like to feel inspired, whether it’s writing music, or my blog. The last time I wrote was on November 21st and it was about my pre-surgery anxiety.

I am having my next surgery in a couple of weeks (December 14th) and the anxiety is real.It’s been a while since my last blog post, and that’s because so much has been going on.

Some days it can be so easy to fall into a sadness about everything that’s happening in life. Sometimes I can’t help but think why, why is this happening to me? Why can’t I be normal? Why do I have to go through this twice? Why does my body have to change? Why can’t I have a “normal life?” I let myself wallow there for a while and I allow myself to feel those things. T

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

So it's been a couple of weeks since my last blog post, and that's because I've been busy living life after my last chemo!!!

Today I am feeling better than I have been since the last chemo. I finished my last chemotherapy on Friday, and that is such a huge relief. Besides being my last one, it was also my hardest one both mentally and physically. Every chemo has been difficult, but this one definitely takes the cake.

On Tuesday I had my second to last chemotherapy treatment!! To be honest, physically it was one of the worst ones, but I am that much closer to being done! There's still a long road ahead to remission, but being done with chemo will be such a relief for me, my body, and my family. I feel so thankful for the people that surround me.

I'm going to be honest with you, I had a pretty rough night last night.

Yesterday I went in to receive my 9th chemo, and found out that my blood count was too low to receive treatment.

It's been almost a month since my last post. I hadn't realized it until my mom pointed it out recently, but I suppose it's a good thing. It doesn't feel like a month has passed, but it has! On friday, I am going to receive my seventh chemo treatment! I have just passed the halfway mark and I am so happy.

Yesterday I had another surgery. This time around with cancer, it would be my second surgery. Overall, it's my seventh. I had my port inserted for chemo and I must say, it was definitely the worst one. I was awake for it. It only took about an hour but it was pretty terrible. Let me backtrack for a second though. I am about to go into my third round of chemo tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am having my second round of chemotherapy. As some of you may already know, last Friday was my first round and you know what? It wasn't that bad.

Tonight is the night before another procedure. As I lie here writing, I am reflecting on my past, and looking towards the future. Tomorrow I am going in to have eggs removed and stored so that I may have the possibility of having children in the future. It's a minor procedure, I only have to go under for about an hour or two.

When I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. How did we find out? I was actually in the doctor's office for my knees.