I’m writing this on my phone as I sit on a rock in the Rockefeller Preserves with the most beautiful view of the sunset.
I suppose it’s been a while since my last blog. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs and I can’t help but feel guilty every time I feel down. How is it that I’ve “beaten/survived/lived through” cancer twice already, I’ve been done with treatment for a little over exactly a year now, and yet I’ve cried how many times today? Over what? I don’t even know and I think that might be the worst part. Helllooooo I’m aliveeeee, so what’s the issue?
I’m pursuing my dreams
My mind: not fast enough
My mind: and not living enough
I create music from my heart
My mind: not good enough
I have this whole beautiful world in front of me
My mind: that you can’t afford to travel cuz of medical bills and student loans
I have a life full love
My mind: but what is love
And so I write. I write songs, I write journal entries, and a lot of them go unseen and unheard- that’s why there is a huge time gap since my last blog entry.
I have this voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not good enough and that nothing I do will ever be.
So I meditate. I exercise. I read. I try to detach myself from my mind. I try to be present.
I just finished reading The Alchemist and I’m currently reading The Power Of Now to try and shift my perspective and just the way I think in general.
I’m not sure what’s going on with me, but here I am being open like I promised I would be.